New York State Can Do Better
When my daughter was 13, I got a call from her school that forever changed our lives. Our daughter’s best friend had informed a teacher about her intricate plan to end her life. I will be forever grateful to that young seventh-grader who had the emotional wherewithal to go to an adult. More on that in a moment.
Did you know that there are no New York State-approved residential schools for middle-school girls who are at risk of suicide, even though attempts have been rising at an alarming rate?
Each year, New York State sends girls at risk of suicide OUT of the state, puts them on long waiting lists or sends them to group homes or programs that are not equipped to help them. This does not include the many girls who fall through the cracks. They end up in our hospitals for suicide ideation or an attempt and then show up for school the next day when the homeroom bell rings. Sometimes, if they are lucky, an adolescent psychiatric bed is available somewhere and, if the parent can get them there, they stay for a week or two. But the cycle too often repeats itself because our hospitals are not set up to treat the mental health conditions that lead to suicide attempts but only triage them.
I was at work the day I got the call from the school. Overcome, my amazing colleagues stepped in and worked the phones to find an available adolescent psychiatric bed for our daughter. My husband picked up our daughter and son from school and drove the nearly two hours to the hospital where I would meet them. Our daughter was admitted and stayed for two weeks. During that time, she was diagnosed, medicated, and triaged. We were told that she would most likely need residential support and treatment, but we resisted that at the time.
When your child is discharged from the hospital it can feel like walking off a cliff if there is no additional support. Luckily for us, a therapist with whom we had been working prior to her hospitalization got our daughter into a 4-week partial (daytime) hospitalization program, two hours from our home. But as the end of her partial hospitalization approached, it was clear that our daughter was still at risk. It is impossible to protect your suicidal child from trying to kill herself by locking up the medicines, hiding the kitchen knives and removing all cleaning supplies from under the sink because there are too many ways to end a life when the will to do so is there. So, we did what many families with means do. We emptied our bank accounts, broke into our 401ks, asked family for help and we sent our daughter to a 90-day wilderness program hoping for a quick fix. When it was clear that there were no quick fixes, we sent her to a residential treatment program in Utah. It was so painful to send her far away from home. She was only thirteen, but we were so desperate to get her help. And we did.
Most New York families cannot do what we did. We need solutions for them here at home — programs like, Let’s Tackle Trauma Together, or, if needed, a safe and nurturing environment to heal, grow and learn. I am so grateful to those who are bringing EverGreen Meadow Services and its Academy into existence. To support our capital campaign or provide scholarships to girls in need, please donate here.